The Gratitude Park

My name is Alejandro and my life is amazing.

I come through this document to record my journey through sensations and places that I had never even considered to exist.

I had never felt something like this in my whole life. And a simple ride changed everything. The moment that I found that street, that little square… Is without a doubt the most important day of my life.

I was riding my bicycle through the avenues of the neighboring town, as I did regularly. It was both a mental and a physical exercise, of resting the mind and tiring the body. A constant ritual that I used to do without thinking too much or paying much attention. After all, I knew those avenues like the back of my hand. I was born in the town right next to this one, and grew up riding through this very pavement. There was nothing new to see.

I rode through a street corner where a new business had opened up. The colorful front woke me from my reflections. I had noticed that I didn’t know that street in particular.

“That’s weird.” I thought. I’m not stupid or anything, so why did that street seem so out of place? Why couldn’t I remember having seen it before? I felt a strong desire to ride down it and explore. It was very weird to see something new in a place that was so familiar to me. I felt disconnected.

I took a turn to my right and proceeded to ride down the unfamiliar street and immediately something caught my attention: A bright green light all the way in the end of the dead end street. It came from a lamp that hung over a few native trees that decorated the back wall. The five o’clock sun shone a warm yellow light on the cold green hue that splattered over the trees. I kept on assessing the street and absorbing the strange sensation that accumulated in my chest. It wasn’t exactly fear. If it makes any sense, I felt like I was in a dream as soon as I laid eyes on that green light. The wheels of my bike rolled in its direction and sometimes I stopped feeling the wind on my face, as if there wasn’t any air around me, and then it blew my hair once again.

The houses were impressive. Beautiful. Monuments of architecture, both old and modern. Big mansions that seemed to have been built yesterday beside castles that looked centuries old. Very expensive cars occupied the driveways and gardening equipment were visible through the gates, but nobody could be seen on the streets or even inside the houses. There were also playgrounds, doll houses, and a telephone company car parked in front of a lamp post.

But absolutely no living person could be seen. As if a gust of wind came through and dragged everybody away in a second, leaving behind everything that they were doing. The feeling of being in a dream intensified within me, as if I was disconnecting from my physical body.

Now just a few dozen meters from the end of the street, I could finally see its details. It was a dead-end street with a little square built at its very end. At the back wall, under the green light, I could see a little wishing well and a very well made wooden sign. The wishing well had a small fountain with flowing water. It was very quiet so the sound of running water was calming and relaxing. In front of the wishing well there were two benches that faced each other, and one bench positioned towards the well itself. A few pots housed decorative plants and small trees.

And as I finally arrived at the middle of the park, I looked to the wooden sign and read:

The Gratitude Park.

I was no longer feeling inside my own body. The magnetism of that place was different from everything I had ever experienced before. The feeling of non-belonging was constant. I felt a tightness in my chest and my breathing was quick and shallow. I was not in control of my body. I saw myself get off the bike and walk towards the wishing well.

My vision was blurry and trembling. The wishing well got closer. The sound of running water had a constant rhythm that matched my heartbeat. The green shine fluttered above me, staining my vision. The wishing well had the shape of a large, brown jug. The water came through a bamboo tube that was connected to the back wall.

I watch as I move towards the wishing well. I was lost in the sound of splashing water and the tree leaves rubbing each other. The green light swallowed me whole, penetrating my body and washing away the feeling of nonbelonging from my chest. I felt completely at peace. As I had never felt before.

“I have a wish. I wish for no more pain. I wish for no more suffering. I wish for the past to stay in the past. I wish to be at peace forever.” The words came out of my mouth before I watched myself bite the tip of my finger and squeeze a drop of blood in the wishing well.

There was no pain or reaction. I watched the drop of blood dissipate in the water and disappear.

I stood there for a few minutes and as I turned around to head back, I noticed something standing in one of the houses’ garden. It was a mannequin. I hadn’t noticed it before. It was turned towards me, and wore simple clothes with a neutral expression on its face. My chest tightened.

I sobered up immediately as I realized what I had just done. I could feel my index finger pulsating in pain. My hands and legs were shivering in cold and dread from leaving that trance. I jumped on the bike and bolted in the opposite direction of that park.

When I got to the main avenue and saw the first car go by, I sighed in relief. I felt connected to the real world once again, but the strangeness of the events that happened a few minutes ago still lived in my heart. For a moment, I wanted to look back to the street to see if the green light was still there, but I didn’t. I was too scared. I rode my bike back home, took a shower and laid in bed, letting my thoughts flow for a while.

When I finally fell asleep, I had a dream that I’ll never forget.

I saw myself in the park with my friends and family, every person I ever knew and cared about. All of my friends were hugging me, uncles and aunts smiling and looking like they were genuinely happy that I was there with them. My deceased parents were there, too. In a more isolated corner, but smiling and waving. I went to them with my arms wide open and they welcomed me the same way. I hugged them tightly, and with tears streaming down my face I told them:

“I love you.”

And I hear in return:

“You will die.”

The weight of the world falls on top of me and the world turns dark. I notice that I am hugging two shadows with no defined form. I can see the dark threads dancing outwards from their immaterial bodies. Everything is static, dark and heavy. Everybody around me turned into shadowy silhouettes. No sound is present apart from my short breaths and my heartbeat like a drum.

Then, all the voices echoed in unison.

“You. Will. Die.”

My blood boiled and my lungs filled with water.

I choked until I felt the coldness of death.

And I woke up.

I am now awake and I want to go back there. I KNOW that I have to go back.

In the dream, I remember seeing the mannequin too. His face changed into a wide and warm smile. His eyes pressed in a smile bigger than his face, and his arms said to me: “Come with me!”. In that moment I understood what I had to do. I need to go with him. I need to see my parents again. I miss them so much. I swear I can feel it inside me. It’s the right thing to do. It’s what I want. The right thing to do. What I want. Right thing. I want. Right thing. I want. Right th